By: Jennifer Armel
Posted on: May 9, 2016
Mazel tov! Congratulations! No way! Amazing! Can’t wait to celebrate!
A sample of comments I see quite regularly as I scroll through my Facebook newsfeed.
Is it that time already? Time for marriage? Time to obsessively watch ‘bride-day-Friday’ on TLC to check out the latest wedding dress styles? Ah!!! I’m not quite ready to be a bridezilla yet…
Setting aside those who are getting married earlier for religious beliefs, this is something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while now – the pressure to get hitched.
“You’ve been together for so long” “Where’s the ring?” “Why aren’t you two married yet?” “I can set you up with my son!” “I have a friend I can set you up with, he’s single!” “Why not try one of those dating apps?”
Have you heard any of the above statements before? I’ve certainly heard a couple.
Whether it’s from friends, parents or grandparents I’m sure each of you have heard at least one. The statements are said out of love (and curiosity) but they all don’t help to ease any of the pressure that many have to get married.
In my eyes, there’s really no ‘ideal’ time to get married; however, statistics do say that today, in 2016, the younger you are when you get married the higher the likelihood of your marriage ending in divorce.
In an article titled, ‘divorced by 30,’ the author looks at why so many young marriages come to such an early end. “Whether a relationship works depends partly on the degree to which each of you is aware of how you have been shaped by your early experiences; and then on whether you are able and willing to be flexible, to change and to grow. And since this is the kind of self-knowledge that usually comes with age, those in early marriages are less likely to have come equipped with the necessary tools.” Not to say all early marriages will end, but with age, comes experience.
I personally don’t have any plans to tie the knot now (sorry GranGran)… not because of the statistics, but because I simply don’t feel I need to rush into such a big commitment like that at this time. A marriage to me isn’t the fairy tales we read about in books, or the rom-coms we watch on Netflix…to me, it’s a life-long partnership filled with love, passion and friendship.
Are you feeling the pressure to get hitched?
My advice is simple: Go at your own pace. If it feels right (in your head and your heart)… go for it! Even more crucial, I believe it’s important not to settle. Ladies (and gents)… if you aren’t happy with the person you are with and neither partner is willing to work on the relationship, then it might be time to say ciao.
“Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them.” – Ziad K. Abdelnour